And now it begins...

I was able to get in touch with my poor husband on the other side of the world...I can't imagine how difficult it must be for him!  And I was able to make a few phone calls to other family and dear friends...I feel so sad as I dial the number, knowing how I would ache for that person if they called me with this news...its hard but somehow joyful to share with them the way the Lord has been carrying us from that first moment...all that He's given me to hold on to...and these are people who know me well enough to know these words are not coming from me :) the wimp :)  I wonder a little bit, having learned about the stages of grief, am I in denial, shock, trying to be strong, comfort everyone else...? I'm not going worry about it, I know I have cancer, I know its on my top ten list of things I could not survive that the Lord got a hold of somehow a few years back :)  and He's faithfully showed me through each item on the list pretty much that I can MORE than survive with Him, in Him, through Him...He is SOOOO good! I keep having thoughts go through my mind..."what about our girls, Lord?" and He reminds me that He has taken great care of me during the most painful times in my life and provided all kinds of friends and family to be His physical Loving Arms to hold me up and comfort me, will He do less for my dear children, if it were to come to that? Laura, you KNOW I love them even more than you do...since they were born you've realized more and more each day as you love them, HOW much I love My children...you KNOW I'm going to take care of you, you KNOW I will work all this out for good...

Every natural fear or worry that pops up, it seems He's peeking over my shoulder with a bazooka and blasts it away with a few words of peace...I'm constantly in a little bit of shock at how peaceful I feel...

I'm so glad that I have this great doctor, that my husband is on a plane already and should be home tomorrow sometime, that my girls may remember someday how we knelt on the floor when we got home yesterday and thanked the Lord for knowing all things, for holding Isaiah in His Hands, and asking Him to take care of this cancer we do not know how to fight...what a blessing to walk through this with friends and family to care about us, with children watching our God do His thing, from a young age for them to see that He is the One we turn to, that praise and prayer is how we fight, that we can rest in uncertainty knowing the One who knows all things is Good and Powerful, certainly more than able to save us from all harm...that He wouldn't allow anything without a great purpose...having looked this beast in the eye, if what He does in my life can bring hope to even one person facing the same thing, it is SOOO worth it...I say that now, I pray He grants me the strength to mean that through the days ahead...