I was talking to a friend yesterday about struggling through difficult times in your life, striving to be strong and do what you have to do...only to get a moment's rest and realize how utterly exhausted and spent you are...that you have nothing left for the next step...I started thinking back to what life was like 2 1/2 years ago and how there was such a contrast between what I could conjure up within myself to face that battle, and the undeserved gift of God's grace and peace that He gave me as He carried me through each step...the fear I would feel at the sound of such unfamiliar words applied to me..."malignant," "cancer," "chemotherapy," "adjuvant," "port placement..." even speaking of surgery while I was still pregnant...WAY out of my comfort zone, and the stark contrast of the peace He just applied so immediately at just the right moment, in just the right way...so much weakness and dependence(SO imperfectly) resting on so much strength, finding such a solid foundation firmly beneath...so clearly not coming from ANYTHING in me!
It seems rather backwards to learn how to be weak, how to depend entirely on Him, how to ask for help that you could never begin to repay, accepting overwhelmingly generous kindnesses you didn't even know you needed which you can't even express gratitude for, just reduced to tears...not so much the picture of strength and courage and unfading and unfailing hope, just a helpless baby, really...at least that's how I felt...makes my Father all the more precious to me!!! :)
He saved me in His strength alone, He fought when I had nothing left to give, He blessed my children, all of them, and protected them when I couldn't, He held our family together through the weight of it all, He brought countless people to pour out His love to us...there just aren't words to express...but I'll keep trying! :)
