questions...

I've been really struggling this week...a new friend of mine is in treatment and awaiting the safe arrival of her little one and is fighting so many side effects of the medicine and the obvious strain in her family life...my heart is just broken for her...

There's so many parts of our story that seem almost unfairly easier than the average...I remember having someone tell me that a cousin had taken the same chemo I did and she was in the hospital for a few weeks because it made her so sick. At the time I thanked the Lord for His mercy and marveled at how "well" I felt, comparitively...

There's a part of me that thinks if it was a friend of mine, I might tell her something like this: "Now you have been through a lot, and its a little ridiculous for you to be feeling guilty about parts of this being a little easier for you than for others you've heard about...the Lord has His reasons and you KNOW He is more than Gracious to all, even when its hard to see at the time...and there's a thousand mercies each day that we continue on, oblivious to the terrible things that "might have been"...you had some unique things in your situation with marital difficulties and two young daughters to care for, and the Lord happened to spare you from things like sores in your mouth making it nearly impossible for you to eat, on top of extreme nausea, on top of weakness and fatigue to the point you could barely make it off the couch and family members semi-paralyzed with depression...its okay for you to be grateful and have peace with it!"

But I REALLY don't feel okay about it sometimes...

I read the book "The Shack" a couple days ago and its gotten me thinking about so many things and how this all works that He allows things and works things for His purposes for our good, all out of His great love for us(FANTASTIC book, by the way!)...for some reason, maybe some sort of martyr-complex, I find that perspective easier to hold onto with my own pains, than with my own blessings or with the pains of those around me...why is that???

I just wish I lived a little closer to this friend, that if nothing else I could cry with her, make her some kind of fruity shake, fold her laundry, and plan a birthday party for her son...

You wouldn't believe how much the (seemingly) smallest kindness can mean to someone who is hurting...(thanks again dear friends!)  I know it's hard for some people...maybe you don't know how to reach out, what to say, ...maybe you're terrified of saying something stupid(and people do end up saying some rather idiotic things at times) but what if just admitting that up front, apologetically offering something, because you CARE...what if that saves someone that day, and what if you didn't do it simply because you might do the wrong thing, is it really about you? A friend of mine said she's tired of people telling her she looks great, that's okay for her to feel that way, and it was sweet of them to say so...it was great that they said something! When I was bald and getting odd looks at Walmart I wanted so badly to make a tshirt that said something like: "Yes, I'm pregnant(its not a tumor), Yes, I do have cancer, Yes, I'm bald from chemo...Feel free to ask any questions you may have, I'd actually love to talk to you about it...can I tell you about all the AMAZING things that have happened through this?!" ...but that's a lot to put on a tshirt...and I'm sure not everyone feels that way...there were days where I felt so conspicuous and a little weary of the whole cancer thing :) 

But really, what's wrong with just asking people if they're comfortable with you letting them know in some way that you care...we don't do that enough, I know I don't!