4 YEARS OLD!!

Cannot tell you HOW grateful we are for every moment we've been blessed to share with this little fella(and honestly, he can run us through the wringer at times :) There are some big plans for him and most days, he's got big plans of his own! Little warrior :)

Had another SQUEEZIN' time down at the Mammography Clinic the other day(you really ought to try it, it's not terrible :) )...it's always a good reminder of how far we've come, walking through the halls and offices filled with people fighting for their lives(experiencing FAR worse symptoms and side effects than I EVER did).

It's GOOD to be grateful, to have a moment now and then where you catch a glimpse of what you have because you're stilled and quiet and not so distracted with life whirling around you. I'm so grateful to have had all these years with our children, I'm so grateful for all those awful moments that made our average everyday troubles seem so pitifully unimportant, and made Him SHINE! He is just so good to all of us, so merciful and faithful to supply every little need, and every gigantic one too. Like sanity sometimes when you feel on the edge, perfect peace when you're frantic, a literal eye in the storm. As a wise and good parent, He says no to things that would harm us or not benefit us and allows some pretty awful things knowing HOW MUCH He'll be able to bless us on the other side... and He is that way for every one of us!

Merry Christmas! A helpless little infant blessing us with peace and healing and overwhelming joy yet again :)

Our BIG boy! :)

Just celebrated another clear mammogram and the 4th anniversary of the day I heard those words..."we did find just a little bit of breast cancer..."

It's good to remember where we were, and ponder how far we've come. Just because life is feeling pretty normal again doesn't change the truth: that life is tenuous and we are not guaranteed another moment or breath...each one is an amazing gift...we all need to remember that!

What a great gift that comes from such a difficult circumstance...the chance to realize and treasure our time with our loved ones because we see that truth so clearly through someone's illness or death, the chance to not continue on taking for granted these little moments, that precious smile.

My brother and his wife with the kids...my friend's mom just found out her breast cancer is back...I have a hard time imagining how that must feel...after going through so much and finally putting it behind you...and then to KNOW what the treatment is like and what you're in for...but at the same time, there is always the Plan, His Plan, of which we only get a small glimpse of a tiny part and from our limited perspective...some day we will get to see the whole picture but we do know the One Who sees all and knows all and is GOOD, absolutely, all the time...and I believe that's enough. There's plenty of things I've walked through that if I would have known more of what was to come, I would've run away fast :) and plenty more times that if someone had told me the precious gifts that were hidden in this dark valley, and that I could only grasp them by walking through it...I can't say I would've skipped joyfully ahead, but I might have felt more inspired to go on. My cousin's husband is facing a valley right now...they have a BEAUTIFUL family and my heart breaks for them but I am HOLDing on to the absolute certainty that they WILL NOT be short changed in any way...there is purpose and grace in all of it and He promised not to leave us alone, I know He does not. Ever.

3 YEARS!!

This is a VERY excited little boy, we'd just pulled up to his sister's surprise birthday party :) The Lord was SOO good to me that day, 3 years ago today, so faithful... continually reminding me "the joy of the Lord is my strength" and continually supplying exactly what was needed in all the new and foreign situations I found myself in...feels like a thief tried to steal something away that wasn't his 3 years ago and I get to laugh at him now...I keep looking at Isaiah and remembering how I didn't know if I'd get to know him and love him the way I do...what a gift these 3 years have been, "stolen time" seems sweeter :)

Strawberry Pickin'

I was talking to a friend yesterday about struggling through difficult times in your life, striving to be strong and do what you have to do...only to get a moment's rest and realize how utterly exhausted and spent you are...that you have nothing left for the next step...

I started thinking back to what life was like 2 1/2 years ago and how there was such a contrast between what I could conjure up within myself to face that battle, and the undeserved gift of God's grace and peace that He gave me as He carried me through each step...the fear I would feel at the sound of such unfamiliar words applied to me..."malignant," "cancer," "chemotherapy," "adjuvant," "port placement..." even speaking of surgery while I was still pregnant...WAY out of my comfort zone, and the stark contrast of the peace He just applied so immediately at just the right moment, in just the right way...so much weakness and dependence(SO imperfectly) resting on so much strength, finding such a solid foundation firmly beneath...so clearly not coming from ANYTHING in me! 

It seems rather backwards to learn how to be weak, how to depend entirely on Him, how to ask for help that you could never begin to repay, accepting overwhelmingly generous kindnesses you didn't even know you needed which you can't even express gratitude for, just reduced to tears...not so much the picture of strength and courage and unfading and unfailing hope, just a helpless baby, really...at least that's how I felt...makes my Father all the more precious to me!!! :) 

He saved me in His strength alone, He fought when I had nothing left to give, He blessed my children, all of them, and protected them when I couldn't, He held our family together through the weight of it all, He brought countless people to pour out His love to us...there just aren't words to express...but I'll keep trying! :)

Happy Easter Day!

Jesus conquered death and gave us life and hope and victory and peace...this song is so powerful!!

In Christ Alone

Words and Music by Keith Getty and Stuart Townsend

In Christ alone my hope is found;

He is my light, my strength, my song;

This cornerstone, this solid ground,

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace,

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!

My comforter, my all in all--

Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,

Fullness of God in helpless babe!

This gift of love and righteousness,

Scorned by the ones He came to save.

Till on that cross as Jesus died,

The wrath of God was satisfied;

For ev'ry sin on Him was laid--

Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay, 

Light of the world by darkness slain;

Then bursting forth in glorious day,

Up from the grave He rose again!

And as He stands in victory,

Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;

For I am His and He is mine--

Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death--

This is the pow'r of Christ in me;

From life's first cry to final breath,

Jesus commands my destiny.

No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man, 

Can ever pluck me from His hand;

Till He returns or calls me home--

Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

Little Mr. Fixit Jr.