"There is no greater mercy that I know of on earth than good health except it be sickness; and that has often been a greater mercy to me than health...

It is a good thing to be without a trouble; but it is a better thing to have a trouble, and know how to get grace enough to bear it." Spurgeon

Big Brother!

The little punkin is our Samuel, hopefully the adoption will be final in a few months...so far Isaiah LOVES being a big brother!

I was helping the girls pick out shirts the other day, one chose a "My Mama is a Survivor!" and the other a "I wear PINK for my Mom!" and Isaiah walked up and I found a black one that said, "I FIGHT for my Mommy!" and he said "I want that one, because I'm going to fight to protect you because you're my Mom!" I love it! He even walks me into the garage when I take out the recycling to protect me from spiders :)

A woman who found me through a facebook cancer group a couple years ago emailed me seeking some encouragement just now. She's confused and struggling with her emotions, worries and fears are replacing the emotional "high" of surviving...I feel at a loss to do much other than empathize and share what encouraged me, but if the Lord can use the little I have, I'm so grateful. Here's what I shared with her, maybe it can encourage someone else too :)

"I TOTALLY understand what you're saying! I've been in a marriage-issue support group and in there we learned about the grief cycle(which can translate to a lot of areas of life, not just death of a loved one) and how you can cycle back around through another phase of anger, or shock or denial, or sadness...

It is just an odd thing about life after cancer that sometimes it feels like I'm the only one who changed, other people are going about their daily life oblivious to how tenuous it is and I have this totally different perspective about how we can't take any moment for granted, we're not guaranteed a long life...and yet I still go for days sometimes forgetting all that, focused on "normal" everyday life, remembering less frequently that overwhelming gratitude for this moment and this time with our children and all the precious little details of life...

Plus, I don't know if you are taking any medication still for treatment but I'm taking Tamoxifen which I'm told affects my hormones and its difficult to figure out sometimes where all the emotions come from, my life, my normal hormones, my out of control hormones...it feels really out of control at times, especially when I feel sort of depressed, but not about anything in particular. And the fear that something else will be found, every time I go in for a mammogram or check up. I've had difficulty with my memory since chemo and have learned in all these areas that its an opportunity to lean on the One who DOES understand EXACTLY what is going on inside me, and can actually provide HELP, far better than any doctor or well-intentioned friend. Its a new area for the discipline of handing over to Him my crazy emotions or the feeling I'm forgetting something...time and again He has been FAITHFUL to provide EXACTLY what I needed...I'm NOT just saying that...in CRAZY, only-God kind of ways.

A very dear friend passed away suddenly, a little over a year ago, and I mourned so much for that whole family, they've been on my heart consistently ever since. I've really struggled with the thought of their time with him being "cut short" and if that's even accurate to say since God numbers our days. My kids have asked me about what would happen if I died while their daddy was deployed somewhere, and we've talked about death. And I've told them how life's fragility is really one of the ways we see how precious it is, what a gift each day is. And with any of God's gifts, they weren't meant to be clutched tightly but shared and poured out and embraced...so I tell them, I try to live each day in such a way that if it were to be the last day, for any one of us, I wouldn't have as many regrets...I make so many mistakes(some pretty willful) and still take so much for granted, but I still try to make the most of all the things He's given me. And accept His grace for what He HAS given me, instead of pleading for grace for all the 'what ifs" I could imagine and torment myself with. Its a daily(or momently) thing sometimes to hand over each fear, or potential fear :)

The Psalms are so good, Isaiah 54 is such a comfort, Hosea 2:15, Isaiah 63:9, Jeremiah 29:11, Joshua 21:44-45 ...Stormie Omartian's The Prayer that Changes Everything is sooo good

I'm SO so SO glad you wrote...I don't know much about anything but to have a chance to encourage a sister in Christ with the hope that I've found ONLY in Him, is such a blessing to me. I always think it redeems so much of what we go through when we can turn and encourage someone else because of what we've walked through...I don't know where I'd be without the friends He's blessed me with, right when and where and how I needed them because He was their Source too! :) You are NOT alone!

I'll look and see if there's anything else I've got that might be helpful, you'll be in my prayers!

Hugs and God bless~

Laura"

And PS....please, please let me know if there's some way I can be praying for you!

Found these quotes and had to post them here:

"The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death." - Thomas Paine

"Now - here is my secret: I tell it to you with an openness of heart that I doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words. My secret is that I need God - that I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem to be capable of giving; to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond being able to love." - Douglas Coupland in "Life After God"

Please do let me know if there's ever anything I can pray for you about, it would be an honor!

4 YEARS OLD!!

Cannot tell you HOW grateful we are for every moment we've been blessed to share with this little fella(and honestly, he can run us through the wringer at times :) There are some big plans for him and most days, he's got big plans of his own! Little warrior :)

Had another SQUEEZIN' time down at the Mammography Clinic the other day(you really ought to try it, it's not terrible :) )...it's always a good reminder of how far we've come, walking through the halls and offices filled with people fighting for their lives(experiencing FAR worse symptoms and side effects than I EVER did).

It's GOOD to be grateful, to have a moment now and then where you catch a glimpse of what you have because you're stilled and quiet and not so distracted with life whirling around you. I'm so grateful to have had all these years with our children, I'm so grateful for all those awful moments that made our average everyday troubles seem so pitifully unimportant, and made Him SHINE! He is just so good to all of us, so merciful and faithful to supply every little need, and every gigantic one too. Like sanity sometimes when you feel on the edge, perfect peace when you're frantic, a literal eye in the storm. As a wise and good parent, He says no to things that would harm us or not benefit us and allows some pretty awful things knowing HOW MUCH He'll be able to bless us on the other side... and He is that way for every one of us!

Merry Christmas! A helpless little infant blessing us with peace and healing and overwhelming joy yet again :)

Our BIG boy! :)

Just celebrated another clear mammogram and the 4th anniversary of the day I heard those words..."we did find just a little bit of breast cancer..."

It's good to remember where we were, and ponder how far we've come. Just because life is feeling pretty normal again doesn't change the truth: that life is tenuous and we are not guaranteed another moment or breath...each one is an amazing gift...we all need to remember that!

What a great gift that comes from such a difficult circumstance...the chance to realize and treasure our time with our loved ones because we see that truth so clearly through someone's illness or death, the chance to not continue on taking for granted these little moments, that precious smile.